Feeing blah,blah, blah...

Good Morning to all who read this. I have to say that its one of those mornings where I just feel weird... May be because of all my emotions running around my body...If that even makes sense. Well lets start at the beginning...First it turns out that a family member of mine is suffering with a pain that I would wish upon no one. Following doctors orders and coming in a day before surgery it turns out all plans have changed due to certain feelings my family member may be feeling. I think this sounds confusing.... Anyway so now case in point because of the cancellation she may have to go home and suffer until another "appointment" can be given. This really pisses me off...Certain things I know cannot be changed, and other things can be avoided. What doesn't make sense to me is how in life people in pain have to wait and suffer in order to get proper treatment. I am worried and scared, I can only imagine how my family member could be feeling and I cant run to her right now. If I try to later it may be to late since she may already be home.
Another aspect of my day not feeling all that well is matter of the heart. How many times do I have to do this to myself??How many times do I have to make myself believe that I can be happy when in reality I making someone else suffer. What is it that I have to say, what is it that I have to do in order to "be happy??" Never thought that this aspect would be so difficult. Kinda boggles my mind really... So what should I do...How should I approach this, should I be a hard ass, or should I give in...accept my fate, or in other words take it as it is since I, right now, cant change things for the better.... I really do wish I knew what the hell I was doing but in reality I am living it day by day & I do HATE IT!!!!

New way of living..

I have been so far working everyday...that's right 7days a week, and so far I am going strong...resting when I can, trying to enjoy life, little by little. I recently started a new job and I must say that I love it. Its been worth while and the environment is so open and friendly that I feel right at home. The story is that I am new and as all new people in a new job training feels like it never ends. I wish I could do more, have a wider perspective as to what I am doing. I know Ill get there through time but I wanna rush this process. Well I guess thats all the feeling I can put down on the computer...hopefully today will be just as gorgeous as it is outside. Have a good one all :)