I have recently gone through a lot...a break up, lose of a friend, and well un-employment. I have to say that I am doing well with my attitude but emotionally...I could use a pick me up.
See I believe a lot in "fate" as well as in "no coincidences" I have written before that I was doing well and that the worst was behind me...Well I was wrong. See certain places I go, things I watch...may be even other people that I am with their action may all point to my ex. The strangest things, may be things I didn't even know these people like or did. Well its harder, and harder not to think of may be talking to him. To this day I haven't seen or heard his voice and that adds on the how cold this winter will be. Last winter "we" shared a Christmas, unfortunately no New Year cause he was in Europe, so you can imagine how weird this year will be. Especially since I don't celebrate either holiday. It was nice to see a loving family who does. I guess my constant missing him is just saying to me that I cared too much and the sooner I stop the better. I am pretty sure that he is not thinking of me. May be just thinking of the next club to go to. Start dancing with all the ladies, and leave me in the past. Well I could ramble on but what's the point. I guess anyone who reads this might just say or write "forget him," "leave him alone," "he's an asshole" but he was more, he was also my friend. May be not as close but he was one and now I cant even talk to him.
I have been doing my utter best to forget him, leave the "sign's" I see in the corner. Just repeat to my self that if he truly did love me he would not have left or he would have fought. I have come to the conclusion that he left me because he thought I was gonna take his youth. That I was gonna strap him down and choke him with responsibility of family, me and him, and may be a family of our own. I guess in that way I surprised he didn't run for the mountains. Or stay in another country...But well I am not saying that I don't want that you know but I am saying I want to be with someone who would like that eventually. I loved him and he fooled me and falling out of love is now the hardest thing to do.
For those who have read this over and over again I cant tell you how sick I feel just writing this. My heart feels like this and I a wish that I could make it stop. I know I will stop because life moves on but for now its my struggle and I want to beat it and move on.
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