In a few hours I will have reached a point in my life were I thought I would be sure of certain things. Things such as what I am doing as a job, perspective in regards to family needs, and wants, and Love. Out of this very general list Love has proven to be the hardest to keep, and maintain. I see that in one hour I not only get older but I have no clarity on where I stand on Love and the men that I have loved, and love...At times I find that people tell me that I don't know what it is, or that I am in a relationship that is not for me. I hear all these people tell me what I know about love isn't enough, what I feel love is... isn't true, even that I never knew what love is. These comments not only make me confused in the sense of "What am I doing or feeling then??" But it hurts to think that this could be true.
I come home thinking about all the general statements I have heard in my life, thinking about what is going on with me right now and I am more confused then ever. The only thing that I am sure of is that I will not let others tell me what I am feeling, or what I need to do in order to be happy. I know that if I am uncomfortable the best thing to do is be somewhere else. If I am upset I need someone to give me space to think of what just happened and then talk to me and listen to what I have to say. I don't want to be forced into any action or relationship that doesn't make me happy, and for sure I wont be told what I can and cannot do.
This entry is needed not because I need people to confirm or reject what I am saying, I am writing it to see where my thoughts are. How is it that I can find clarity when I am walking in the dark?? I know what I don't want, what I do need, so then what do I do???
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