The Never Ending Battle

I have to say that when it comes to the emotion's of the heart, it is truly a battle of strenght and reasoning! So why do I say that?? I am a person that falls in love and does anything possible to maintain that spark. "Maintain" in the sense of spending time, listening, caring, for the other person so that the relationship can prosper. I understand that all relationships have good and bad days. I mean which couple does not...But recently through a little ordeal that was going on in my relationship, the man I was with thought the best way to handle the situation was to run from it.  I couldn't believe it!!! I am completely heart broken, and I just feel compelled for some reason to talk to him, reason, be there...but how does that help me??? It doesn't what that shows is that I am with someone who doesn't want to be with me. Who is letting me go so that I can find "The One I am supposed to be with" Thanks..... Should I be happy, should I be content?? I am more confused as to why I care so much for this man, and especially who doesn't care the same way back...? It hurts. Well I am not gonna fool my self any longer, cause I have already for too long. He wants to let me go, fine, he thinks its better this way then who am I to fight him on it. His reasoning and his logic won't allow him to move forward then I won't wait for when it does...
So New York, Looks like I am back in the game...man. oh man I have no idea where to start...I hope that if anyone has free advice that they write it down cause I am all ear's...

First Day of School

I have to say yesterday I was very excited and nervous. I went to work with great optimism to fix a little problem I had with my boyfriend, and well enjoy work as much as possible. Ill tell you, I was way off...Work was too cold, and to much. I got really anxious and I got really upset. All those students who need to change courses, and need this, or that...I just didn't know what to do. I just decided to keep my mouth shut. After 5pm I was more or less excited to see my boyfriend. I was frustrated with him for 7 days, he was not her to fight with me or make me feel better but when he was here well...I didn't want to see him. When yesterday came I had no idea what he was planning to do. It turns out that he came to see me to finish it. He broke up with me. After a summer of love, adventure, and just coming together...its over.
I don't know what to think, or what do to...How do I feel about this whole thing??? I am confused, I feel as though someone left a hole in my heart and it cant be filled. I want this pain to go away, I want to feel whole, complete again...Why do I miss him? Why do I want to hold him, kiss him...WHY!!!! I just want this feeling to go away...
If for some reason you get to this... I miss you, and I love you. I never wanted you to do it. I never thought that another fight may lead to this. If I could see you and hold you again I would hold you and never let you go....

The Non-refundable ticket

We are all given this "One Ticket" and its a ticket of life...It goes only one way. Its funny how you really never think that one day your ticket may be up. Recently someone close to me has lost someone. The specifics where have not been given yet or as to how or why...But the pain still came in like a bolt of lightning.  To really think about what just happens puzzles my mind...This person woke up, started the day and then just stopped. Stopped breathing, stopped moving, stopped doing anything. Life is truly taken for granted we get upset, we get angry, and a lot of times people live with regret. So whats the point of wasting so much time if there is too much to enjoy.
The person I miss and care for is on another continent, and I wish that I could be there to show him how much I really do miss him. Yet then I wonder whats going on with me, and what have I done for myself lately...hmmmm all these questions and statements run through my mind and well I have no real answer...just more questions. 
Recently I have noticed more how those little things in life that make me happy, that make a difference, and what a person needs to care most about. Family for one, and I hate the fact that someone special to me is hurting...That is life, its a non-refundable ticket makes one stop and we dont even know where, or when that will be. 
A goal of mine now that I have been writing a lot is to do more out door activities, I used to do them a lot but ever since I grew up and saw what other responsibilities I had to add on, "me time" has gotten shorter, and shorter...So lets see what crazy adventure I have today!! 
Good night to all...

Summer Ending...

Well this summer has definitely been one that I will remember always...Its been the summer that I have taken advantage of having a boyfriend, its been a summer that has reminded me that having a boyfriend encompasses a whole bunch of things...Such as fighting for what you want, putting effort into what has already been established, and of course trusting the other person. My summer has been packed with memories good and bad ones but memories none the less. My other half has left on another adventure and I stayed behind...Its tough because I didn't want to let him go. But this was my fault that he even bought a ticket. Through mistakes of my own I lead this person to seek refuge in another place, a far, far away place. This definitely makes me reconsider what my part is in this relationship. For the rest of this time that I am by myself I have mostly been working and seeing what new adventures come my way. 
So far the only new adventure that has gone my way is regarding employment. I need a new one, cause those bills come like clock work and well I just need to have that money rolling in. Which makes me worry, whats gonna happen if the money does stop??? How will I go on...the search will go on, but the money needs to still come my way...hmmmmm just another thing to worry about...
At this very moment I have completely lost filling around my whole body, why?? Cause in my job has the AC blasting... I cant wait to get out of here...Well I cant wait to see what new adventure awaits on the outside... Good Night to all :)